Mother Writes Business Contract to Toddler While on the Toilet

Who said multitasking was a bad thing?

Dear Small Human,

It has come to my attention that our relationship requires some serious boundaries. I noted this when I told you that I’d prefer to defecate by myself, and you began throwing the holy grail of all temper tantrums. I can still hear you screaming and pummeling the wall on the other side of the bathroom door.

I realize that for the past 3 years, I have been at your servitude 24 hours a day. Granted, when you were a small and helpless infant, that worked. You rarely talked back to me, and all I had to do was give you a boob to shut you up.

However, I am beginning to regret the midnight hand-holding while lying on your bedroom floor and putting my hand through the crib bars so that you could touch me while you fell asleep. My back is still messed up from so many midnight naps on a hard nursery floor.

There is a genuine and very troubling pattern emerging. I worry that we are opening up some unhealthy habits as we move forward in our relationship. Unhealthy as in, I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t get some me time.

1.The mother will never force the child to give awkward hugs to relatives or friends of the family. The child doesn’t want to give a hug. The mother knows that the child doesn’t want to. And, usually, the receiver of the child’s hug feels awkward, anyway. A completely redundant practice that should be wiped from all family traditions immediately.

2. The mother will kiss all boo-boos without reservation until such behaviour becomes embarrassing to the child.

3. The child will be allowed to participate in a bi-weekly “snack dinner”, where cheese, crackers, and other finger foods will be seen as acceptable dinner materials. The child must still consume at least three bites of vegetables during these meals. The child may request preferred veggies.

4. The child must dress up as a fat baby pumpkin for no less than 2 Halloween celebrations in a row.

Related posts:

Our current classroom experience is very generic. A video for students to watch and a chat for them to interact(very much like youtube’s Live Videos) The task is to think of an end to end classroom…

Having a baby is one of the most exciting events to happen in someone’s life. Generally, people expect to be able to bounce back from it quickly and still be the same person they were before…

Professor of Management Tom Dean at CSU Business School writes about how ‘sustainable venturing’ is a new type of business creation pathway where sustainably-minded entrepreneurs seek to capitalize…