Better Yourself by Studying the People you Hate.

It is difficult to fully understand who the person you want to be is. It is just as difficult to choose one role model and say I want to be just as them. Therefore, the person we want to tend to be is a mixture of multiple different people we find compelling. However, there is one aspect in character building that is often overlooked. That who you want to be is found in who you dislike. Not in a sense of admiration, but an involuntary reflective exposure of the things you despise in yourself. A phenomenon where you despise traits in other people that you unconsciously perceive you possess. For example, the next time you find yourself grinding your teeth when someone boasts about some benign achievement from the past week, try to recognize that this may a displacement of the frustration you have with yourself when you unintentionally find yourself boasting. It is important to remember that no one chooses to be the way they are.

I have written about this previously if you would like more detail about this subject here.

We are, by definition, a product of our environment albeit by nature or nurture or both. Therefore, the behavior of others should not affect us in such intense ways, when it does this may be an indication to self-reflect at the way you yourself are behaving. Of course, this is not a perfect science. People will obviously behave in ways the upset you that you do not feel you possess. An opportunity to self-reflect only presents itself when you can understand that this person’s behavior should not be affecting you in the manner it is. When this happens, alarm bells should ring, and it may be time for a sobering look at yourself.

How can this be useful? If done correctly this can be one of the strongest means of living in coherence with your values. This requires a high capacity for self-reflection and honesty. However, if exercised appropriately it can be momentously gratifying. Not only for your own self-development but also with the way you interact with other people. Apart from a small percentage of sadists, people don’t tend to want to be a pain. Try to see other’s shortcomings not as discomfort you must endure, but as a lesson you can live through their eyes rather than your own.

Lewis Hawkins

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